[Oh, and here he was going to ask if she was okay! But she must be, if she's moving straight to that... or she's hiding it, that's always a possibility.]
[Oh, why is he doing this? But -- well. Okay. Deep breath.]
I know we've only been on a couple of dates, but we've trained together and done other things together and now we've taken on a volcano together, and -- well. You're incredible, and special, and I really like you. So I was wondering if, maybe, you'd -- actually want to be my girlfriend?
[ Minako definitely didn't expect that question to be thrown at her. She thought maybe he had something to ask about today's situation, since things did get a little extreme back there.. Not this. And it's not like it's a bad question. Of course she immediately feels glad and flattered to be asked that, and the answer feels so easy--
But the moment she opens her mouth, it's like her breath is knocked straight out of her lungs. A feeling inside of her, instinctive, stronger than the feeling from only a moment ago, takes over. A dreadful feeling starting in the pit of her stomach and quickly spreading. Even though she almost just said yes, there's suddenly something within in her practically screaming at her to not do it. That she can't. She can't.
It's weird to have that feeling without any explanation as to why. She can't find any logical reason that she can't just go for it. But as she tries to dig a little deeper to find out why she's feeling that way, it starts to hurt. A lost memory she can't recover without hurting herself, without the risk of blighting herself and Zelda or even turn into an ayakashi.
So she just has to believe the feeling. Which feels terrible without knowing why she can't have that simple happiness - but she doesn't want to go against it. It's too strong, and there probably is some good reason behind it if she instinctively believes this strongly in it, right? There has to be. She has to believes at least that much to not fully fall apart.
Which means that outwardly Minako seems to have a very odd reaction to his question. For a moment she looks happy, but then the shock sets in, visible on her face.
And then tears start slipping from her eyes. ]
Sorry, I.. I can't.. [ She almost seems lost for words as she says it, like she's almost more confused than sad. ]
[Her tears hit him like a physical blow, his muscles tensing and his face falling. A 'no' would have been one thing, he'd expected that, but he'd give anything in the world to take his question back and banish her tears forever.]
[The rejection hurt, but he has no time for that now. She hadn't said 'I won't', but, 'can't', a word choice that meant far too much. And had she truly not wanted to, Edge believes wholeheartedly she would have been far gentler about it, far more playful. 'How could I tie myself down to just one guy?' or something like that, right?]
[So the sting can wait.]
Okay. [He says that evenly, to his surprise, with a nod.] Can you tell me why?
[Because she might not be able to, he realizes. He has drives and impulses he doesn't understand, written into his soul no matter the lack of memory. This might be the same?]
[ She opens her mouth as if to say something, but not a sound comes out. She just stands there for a moment like that, because.. how can she even explain this? Even Minako herself doesn't fully know where this intense feeling is coming from, yet she can't just leave him hanging. That's not who she is. She's always clear with other people, especially ones she cares about. She's not a girl who openly cries and doesn't explain-- this isn't her.
When she closes her mouth again, she moves an arm up to furiously wipe at her face, trying to get rid of the tear and the streaks they leave behind. Come on, Minako. Get yourself together. She at least has to try to say something. ]
No, I-.. I think it's something from my life, maybe.. Something I forgot.. [ How could she even forget that? If the feeling appears this strongly out of nowhere, could it really be linked to something she could have forgotten so easily?
Minako looks back at him, her eyes still a little watery. ]
I think you're really handsome, and cool, and I have a lot of fun with you, but.. When I think about.. about more, it's like my chest is about to burst..
[That's enough of an answer for him. He nods immediately.]
Then forget I asked. We'll just keep things the way they were.
[Privately, he wonders if he's cursed. Is he really going to be alone forever? Literally forever, since it doesn't seem that shinki age or die? How is it that he's... just not worth anything to anyone, really?]
[Not that he blames her. She didn't see this coming, she didn't expect it. Neither of them did. He can and will back off without a moment's hesitation, though he'll mourn inside.]
I'll only ask that if you ever happen to understand why, we talk about it. If you feel like you can, then.
Of course.. I'd talk about it right now, even, if I just could.
[ It's honestly the shittiest part about all of this. It might still have hurt if she knew the reason as to why she felt this way - depending on what said reason was - but she sure would have felt a lot better if she could at least explain to him what the problem is instead of feeling guilty for keeping him hanging.
It's why her voice still sounds a little raw as she talks. She can't quite shake this feeling off that easily. ]
I just.. I just hope it's not too awkward or painful for you.
The most painful thing in the world would be you being hurt because of me. I'd never want that. [And that is the honest truth. It IS awkward and painful, without question, but he understands and accepts that she can't tell him why, can't even tell herself why. Without memories, they're shapes without containers, no reason to tell why they are the way they are.]
[But an idea hits him.]
...this might be a little forward, all things considered, but -- are you such a flirt maybe because it keeps people from getting to know you? Who you are deep inside?
[It makes sense, doesn't it? If someone who got to know her hurt her badly in the past, maybe the source of that pain in her chest is a fear of what someone getting romantically more involved with her could do again.]
[ Even though her heart still aches, Minako finds a bit of relief in his answer. She doesn't doubt that it must be painful and awkward for him too, but there's something about that answer that's so very much like how he usually is - which means he's coping, if not at least for now.
The question, however, takes her off guard. Not in the sense that she looks shocked that he found something out, but more just that she looks a little confused. ]
I.. don't think so..? [ Not that she sounds very sure of that herself. It's the whole problem with being a shinki.. You can think you know yourself, but how can you ever fully be sure? Minako was plenty sure she wanted a boyfriend until a few moments ago. There could be plenty of things you don't know about yourself. But even if she doesn't have herself figured out yet entirely, she tries to be as honest as she can be with him right now. ]
I mean.. I think that who I am right now is who I am deep inside. There's some things I don't easily talk to people about, sure, but.. isn't everyone like that? [ Things like worries, insecurities.. She's seen more people keep those to themselves. ] There must be a lot about myself I still don't know, but I'm not really trying to hide anything I do know about myself.
[It'd just been a guess, prompted in large part because...]
I was pretty surprised to see you out there, today. Happy, if worried, but definitely surprised. I wouldn't have thought you'd be the sort to charge straight towards such obvious danger.
I'm glad you are, I respect you more for that. [Much more. Even if she hadn't been able to help him, the fact that she'd gone to stand up and face down that challenge and do whatever she can is something else, something special.]
There's more to you than I think either of us know, then. If nothing else, I look forward to finding that out.
[ Now that is a compliment that means a lot to Minako. It's maybe a little bittersweet, still hearing him say these things even though she must have caused him pain now as well, but she tries to accept it the best she can anyway.
Which means that she does smile, and there is something genuine about it, but it's definitely more wry than her smiles usually are. ]
I wish I could say the same about you, but.. you know. I already thought you were pretty amazing. You seemed like a hero who'd save anyone in danger. So there wasn't anything surprising about it, even though you were awesome.
[ His actions didn't disappoint her in the slightest today when it came to that. ]
I'll let you know if I find out anything about myself. But.. you let me know if you figure out anything about yourself too, okay? Even if it might be a little more predictable [ since he seemed awesome and every new thing about him just adds to the awesomeness ] I'd still like to know.
Of course! [She didn't even need to ask, how could she think she did! Edge reaches out to put a hand on her shoulder, all genuine smiles behind his mask.] We're still friends, and I hope we can still date and have fun and stuff. Just not any more seriously than before! Which means you get to hear about me and I get to hear about you, right?
I didn't feel weird at all about the date either. I was totally fine back then, which is why this just now surprised me too. [ So it's very clear that whatever is holding her back, it's definitely just a limit on getting serious with this stuff. ]
So.. let's definitely have fun again in the future.
[ Especially when the hurt fades and it'll be less awkward. Minako still definitely seems more subdued than she usually would be. ]
Someday when we're a little less tired. We worked hard today.
[What on earth could be her block about this sort of thing, though? He still feels the most likely answer is someone hurting her bad in the forgotten past. She seems... so open and kind and sweet that doing so would be painfully easy. If he ever finds out that's true, he'll figure out a way to get to her world and teach that person a lesson --!]
[The brief flash in his eyes at that angry thought doesn't last, though. He doesn't even know, neither does she, they probably never will. So to show her there are no hard feelings, he pulls her into a gentle hug.]
[ She doesn't resist the hug in the slightest. In fact, since she's kind of tired after everything that happened today, Minako does end up leaning into it quite a bit, like she's just melting for a moment. It's been a very long day, and this weird sudden reveal at the end might just have been the most exhausting part in the end.
For a moment she's quiet, but then she smiles up at him. That's what suits her more, right? She's not supposed to be the type that mopes around or seems all sad.. It just doesn't feel right. She has to push past the uncertain and painful parts and try to look at things from a more optimistic point of view. That's who Minako is. So she'll try. ]
Thanks for your kindness.
[ She moves up, standing on her toes, and presses a quick kiss on his cheek (or, well, the mask is in the way, but still!) before lowering herself again. It doesn't feel as absolutely terrible as the feeling that overcame her earlier, so maybe that much is at least alright. Just the kind of casual and light affection she'd share with anyone she knows. ]
I should really get going now though. Don't want to make my goddess worried.
[He squeezes a little tight with one arm, other hand stroking down her hair to offer what reassurance he can. Just once, though; there is a boundary here now, one neither of them saw coming, and though he doesn't know precisely where it is he doesn't want to push against it.]
[Not too long ago, in a time when he was alive, he'd be feeling sorry for himself. Now though, he's a little older, a little more mature, and all he feels is regret for hurting her, and a desire to wipe away her pain. He smiles at the gentle affection, letting her go and taking a step back.]
I'd say there was no reason to worry, but then I remember I was dragging you around to stand up against lava walls today. Guess I can't promise to keep you safe... just to stand beside you.
[That's the biggest, brightest reason he'd ever asked the question, after all.]
Get in touch when things have calmed down a little, okay?
[ She just needs a little bit to let all of this sink in. It's the first time something she can't even remember has had this big of an impact on her, after all. So she's probably just going to try and get Zelda to spoil her a bit tonight and then take it easy for a few days. .. Well, by Minako standards, anyway.
She already turns to walk away, but after a few steps she glances back at him over her shoulder. ]
And.. don't worry. I think men who stand next to me are cooler than the ones who stand in front of me. [ Even though she does enjoy the latter's romantic cliche, those are her genuine feelings.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Oh, why is he doing this? But -- well. Okay. Deep breath.]
I know we've only been on a couple of dates, but we've trained together and done other things together and now we've taken on a volcano together, and -- well. You're incredible, and special, and I really like you. So I was wondering if, maybe, you'd -- actually want to be my girlfriend?
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But the moment she opens her mouth, it's like her breath is knocked straight out of her lungs. A feeling inside of her, instinctive, stronger than the feeling from only a moment ago, takes over. A dreadful feeling starting in the pit of her stomach and quickly spreading. Even though she almost just said yes, there's suddenly something within in her practically screaming at her to not do it. That she can't. She can't.
It's weird to have that feeling without any explanation as to why. She can't find any logical reason that she can't just go for it. But as she tries to dig a little deeper to find out why she's feeling that way, it starts to hurt. A lost memory she can't recover without hurting herself, without the risk of blighting herself and Zelda or even turn into an ayakashi.
So she just has to believe the feeling. Which feels terrible without knowing why she can't have that simple happiness - but she doesn't want to go against it. It's too strong, and there probably is some good reason behind it if she instinctively believes this strongly in it, right? There has to be. She has to believes at least that much to not fully fall apart.
Which means that outwardly Minako seems to have a very odd reaction to his question. For a moment she looks happy, but then the shock sets in, visible on her face.
And then tears start slipping from her eyes. ]
Sorry, I.. I can't.. [ She almost seems lost for words as she says it, like she's almost more confused than sad. ]
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[Her tears hit him like a physical blow, his muscles tensing and his face falling. A 'no' would have been one thing, he'd expected that, but he'd give anything in the world to take his question back and banish her tears forever.]
[The rejection hurt, but he has no time for that now. She hadn't said 'I won't', but, 'can't', a word choice that meant far too much. And had she truly not wanted to, Edge believes wholeheartedly she would have been far gentler about it, far more playful. 'How could I tie myself down to just one guy?' or something like that, right?]
[So the sting can wait.]
Okay. [He says that evenly, to his surprise, with a nod.] Can you tell me why?
[Because she might not be able to, he realizes. He has drives and impulses he doesn't understand, written into his soul no matter the lack of memory. This might be the same?]
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When she closes her mouth again, she moves an arm up to furiously wipe at her face, trying to get rid of the tear and the streaks they leave behind. Come on, Minako. Get yourself together. She at least has to try to say something. ]
No, I-.. I think it's something from my life, maybe.. Something I forgot.. [ How could she even forget that? If the feeling appears this strongly out of nowhere, could it really be linked to something she could have forgotten so easily?
Minako looks back at him, her eyes still a little watery. ]
I think you're really handsome, and cool, and I have a lot of fun with you, but.. When I think about.. about more, it's like my chest is about to burst..
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Then forget I asked. We'll just keep things the way they were.
[Privately, he wonders if he's cursed. Is he really going to be alone forever? Literally forever, since it doesn't seem that shinki age or die? How is it that he's... just not worth anything to anyone, really?]
[Not that he blames her. She didn't see this coming, she didn't expect it. Neither of them did. He can and will back off without a moment's hesitation, though he'll mourn inside.]
I'll only ask that if you ever happen to understand why, we talk about it. If you feel like you can, then.
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[ It's honestly the shittiest part about all of this. It might still have hurt if she knew the reason as to why she felt this way - depending on what said reason was - but she sure would have felt a lot better if she could at least explain to him what the problem is instead of feeling guilty for keeping him hanging.
It's why her voice still sounds a little raw as she talks. She can't quite shake this feeling off that easily. ]
I just.. I just hope it's not too awkward or painful for you.
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[But an idea hits him.]
...this might be a little forward, all things considered, but -- are you such a flirt maybe because it keeps people from getting to know you? Who you are deep inside?
[It makes sense, doesn't it? If someone who got to know her hurt her badly in the past, maybe the source of that pain in her chest is a fear of what someone getting romantically more involved with her could do again.]
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The question, however, takes her off guard. Not in the sense that she looks shocked that he found something out, but more just that she looks a little confused. ]
I.. don't think so..? [ Not that she sounds very sure of that herself. It's the whole problem with being a shinki.. You can think you know yourself, but how can you ever fully be sure? Minako was plenty sure she wanted a boyfriend until a few moments ago. There could be plenty of things you don't know about yourself. But even if she doesn't have herself figured out yet entirely, she tries to be as honest as she can be with him right now. ]
I mean.. I think that who I am right now is who I am deep inside. There's some things I don't easily talk to people about, sure, but.. isn't everyone like that? [ Things like worries, insecurities.. She's seen more people keep those to themselves. ] There must be a lot about myself I still don't know, but I'm not really trying to hide anything I do know about myself.
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I was pretty surprised to see you out there, today. Happy, if worried, but definitely surprised. I wouldn't have thought you'd be the sort to charge straight towards such obvious danger.
I'm glad you are, I respect you more for that. [Much more. Even if she hadn't been able to help him, the fact that she'd gone to stand up and face down that challenge and do whatever she can is something else, something special.]
There's more to you than I think either of us know, then. If nothing else, I look forward to finding that out.
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Which means that she does smile, and there is something genuine about it, but it's definitely more wry than her smiles usually are. ]
I wish I could say the same about you, but.. you know. I already thought you were pretty amazing. You seemed like a hero who'd save anyone in danger. So there wasn't anything surprising about it, even though you were awesome.
[ His actions didn't disappoint her in the slightest today when it came to that. ]
I'll let you know if I find out anything about myself. But.. you let me know if you figure out anything about yourself too, okay? Even if it might be a little more predictable [ since he seemed awesome and every new thing about him just adds to the awesomeness ] I'd still like to know.
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I didn't feel weird at all about the date either. I was totally fine back then, which is why this just now surprised me too. [ So it's very clear that whatever is holding her back, it's definitely just a limit on getting serious with this stuff. ]
So.. let's definitely have fun again in the future.
[ Especially when the hurt fades and it'll be less awkward. Minako still definitely seems more subdued than she usually would be. ]
Someday when we're a little less tired. We worked hard today.
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[The brief flash in his eyes at that angry thought doesn't last, though. He doesn't even know, neither does she, they probably never will. So to show her there are no hard feelings, he pulls her into a gentle hug.]
We really did.
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For a moment she's quiet, but then she smiles up at him. That's what suits her more, right? She's not supposed to be the type that mopes around or seems all sad.. It just doesn't feel right. She has to push past the uncertain and painful parts and try to look at things from a more optimistic point of view. That's who Minako is. So she'll try. ]
Thanks for your kindness.
[ She moves up, standing on her toes, and presses a quick kiss on his cheek (or, well, the mask is in the way, but still!) before lowering herself again. It doesn't feel as absolutely terrible as the feeling that overcame her earlier, so maybe that much is at least alright. Just the kind of casual and light affection she'd share with anyone she knows. ]
I should really get going now though. Don't want to make my goddess worried.
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[Not too long ago, in a time when he was alive, he'd be feeling sorry for himself. Now though, he's a little older, a little more mature, and all he feels is regret for hurting her, and a desire to wipe away her pain. He smiles at the gentle affection, letting her go and taking a step back.]
I'd say there was no reason to worry, but then I remember I was dragging you around to stand up against lava walls today. Guess I can't promise to keep you safe... just to stand beside you.
[That's the biggest, brightest reason he'd ever asked the question, after all.]
Get in touch when things have calmed down a little, okay?
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[ She just needs a little bit to let all of this sink in. It's the first time something she can't even remember has had this big of an impact on her, after all. So she's probably just going to try and get Zelda to spoil her a bit tonight and then take it easy for a few days. .. Well, by Minako standards, anyway.
She already turns to walk away, but after a few steps she glances back at him over her shoulder. ]
And.. don't worry. I think men who stand next to me are cooler than the ones who stand in front of me. [ Even though she does enjoy the latter's romantic cliche, those are her genuine feelings.
A small smile goes with it, and then she's off. ]